"If the child wants to know who their father is..."

Baloney. The man who is their father is the man who works every day to support them, takes them fishing, talks to them about being a man. It's not the man who happened to donate a sperm. As a practical matter, a significant percentage of us don't know who contributed the sperm for us. There's a name on a birth certificate but the actual sperm contributor was, in one study, someone else 17% of the time.

My friend who has two adopted sons is their mother. Oh, they know there is a drunk somewhere who gave birth to them but they also know who hugs them and feeds them and takes them to the doctor. They know who washes their uniforms for school and goes over their report cards.

A woman has a fling with her tennis instructor and gets pregnant. She and her husband maintain the marriage and love the child and are raising him. Invite the tennis instructor over for Christmas. I don't think so.

Being male or female, a man or a woman, or a mother or a father are not the same thing.

Umm... being a man and a male are not the same thing? I have to say you've lost me there.

It is not as simple as that Patrickt. That person is their adopted father, not their biological father. Biology, genes, ancestry, that stuff is very important to people, which is why so many try and find their biological parents. I am not in any way degrading the wonderful love and care an adopted child may receive from their adopted mother. I am not saying she is not their 'mother'.

All I am saying is that biology can be important in terms of knowing who one is and identity. For that reason, I think it is important for children to be able to contact their biological parents if they want to and for biological parents to know that this could happen and be prepared for it.

arry: "It is not as simple as that Patrickt. That person is their adopted father, not their biological father. Biology, genes, ancestry, that stuff is very important to people, which is why so many try and find their biological parents. I am not in any way degrading the wonderful love and care an adopted child may receive from their adopted mother. I am not saying she is not their 'mother'."

And I'm saying there is nothing necessary that can't be disclosed by medical records. A friend of mine wanted to commit a burglary to find out who his parents were and find them again. We sat and talked most of the evening about his biological parents and his real parents and he cried a lot. Finally he said, "I want to know why they didn't want me." Not always, but frequently, that's what it boils down to. I don't know why "all" adopted or sperm donor babies want to find their biological parents. A lot don't. We talked about the fact that it wasn't him they didn't want. They didn't even know him. They, for whatever reason, didn't want a baby at that time. With a sperm donor it's a simple as, he wanted to help someone. Let it go, read his medical history, and live. Of course, without him, living is something you wouldn't have done without him.

And what does an individual's history matter. An actor in the U.S. had a father who murdered and was executed. So what? The son has never murdered anyone and by everything I've read is a fine person. I wonder if this biological father had been more involved in his son's life if things would have turned out as well?

Where I lived, adults who'd been adopted could apply to know who their birth parents were. The birth parents would be contacted and if they agreed a meeting would be arranged. If, for whatever reason, they didn't agree then there would be no meeting. I am comfortable with that and I assume something similar is in place for the remote sperm donor.

Yes that situation is the only way it can be. But when a person makes a decision to have a baby, or donate sperm or donate egg, I think they have an ethical obligation to be available to their son/ daughter if their son/ daughter chooses to find them later in life. It's about taking responsibility for one's actions. Choosing to create a baby is not a decision that should taken lightly, and making such an adult decision should be done with due thought and consideration. If a sperm donor goes in with the attitude, "I'll just do this for 100 bucks" that is a very selfish attitude. They are not considering the effects of their decision, which ironically is quite child- like really, and not befitting of an 'adult' at all. I believe the only people that should donate sperm are people that realise the gravity of the decision they are making, and understand that they need to make them self available if the child may want to contact them later in life.