Hello everyone. Hoping you can help me.

I was out drinking with an old friend of mine after our friend's funeral. I was going to continue on to another house party but by then it was 4am and my friend had to go home and relieve his babysitter. On me I had a suitcase containing about $2000 worth of stuff (laptop, dvd player, and rare dvds from a video library) and personal belongings (expensive clothes, my wife's make up, spectacles, etc) and unreleased musical recordings of mine on an external hard drive. My friend offered to take the case back to his house, where I was going to be crashing later. To save me from lugging my case around I agreed. He did not seem drunk at all.

He hailed a cab and put it in the boot. I even called him whilst he was in the taxi to remind him about the case. Five minutes later I got a call from him telling me that he had left it in the boot. We've had no luck getting it back and it is now being considered as stolen. Evidentially there is nothing the police can do about it.

My friend was unaware of the contents of the case but is offering some cash to replace the computer at least. However I think he should offer to replace everything. He does not have much money, but neither do my wife and I, and losing all this stuff is a major setback for us - we simply cannot afford to replace it all. We had just flown from London into Melbourne for the funeral and I had all the expensive equipment in my case because I was the DJ at the tribute party for my deceased friend.

My automatic reaction is to hold him responsible and have him replace everything that was lost, from the case itself to the computer and the DVDs, even if it means selling his own belongings, like an expensive guitar I noticed he had recently bought. Although the computer was given to me by my parents, I worked for everything else in the case and I am especially angry about losing my musical recordings. What do you all think I should do?

It depends on whether you value your friend or your possessions more.

This situation is not entirely of your friend’s making. If possessions are that important to you, why go out drinking with a suitcase full of high-value possessions? Couldn’t you have dropped the suitcase at your hotel or wherever you were staying, and then gone on to join the drinkers? And why did you decide to “go on to another house party” at 4am, still without having brought your suitcase home? Plus, you knew what was in the suitcase; your friend presumably thought it contained a change of smalls and a toothbrush.

Sure, your friend “did not seem drunk” but you knew he’d been drinking, and you were sufficiently concerned about his condition to phone him a few minutes after he had taken charge of your case to remind him that he was in charge of your case.

Your friend has been careless with your possessions but, if you’re honest, I think you have been careless too. You had both been drinking; you were both a bit cavalier about the case and what it contained. Your friend is the one who actually lost it. You, on the other hand, were the one who knew what it contained but didn’t think to tell him.

Share the losses on some reasonable basis, having regard to what you can afford and what he can afford. Talk to your friend about it and then accept with a good grace whatever he gives you.

There’s a practical side to this as well. You may think that your friend has a moral obligation to sell his wife and children into slavery to replace your kit, but there’s no way in hell you can compel him to do this. Making demands of this kind may simply destroy your friendship without enabling you to replace your possessions at his expense.

hi m0maid. I am sorry to hear of this complicated mess, very unfortunate indeed.

However, I agree with Peregrinus, be grateful for anything your friend offers you and accept it with real thanks. I believe under law, you are entitled to probably nothing, and there are reasons why this is so.

Your friend offered his assistance to you without conditions, with I assume no promise of payment and so he was in fact accepting a certain amount of risk for no return. This was an offer made based on friendship by your friend, not a contract with service and payment. Risks were assumed as understood by all, but after a few drinks I understand how these things seem so easy.

You were happy to accept his assistance for free, but after the fact unhappy to accept the consequences when something went wrong. This is analogous to being given a free watch by a friend, which fails after a day or so making you late for an appointment. Should you be angry with your friend about the watch? I say not. What do you expect for nothing?

If your parents gave you the computer for free, do they also expect to be reimbursed for its loss? Put yourself in their situation, where they spent money for your benefit but then you neglected to look after that asset well. Should they get a refund? Ask yourself why or why not? This may sound odd, but your parents are stakeholders in all this too, and their views and feelings are important.

This was a mistake waiting to happen. Be very grateful for anything your friend offers you and accept it with real thanks.

Good luck.

Peregrinus and Airzone - thanks so much for your advice.