Graeme Phillips – a great Fellow

Kate Hayes

This article was published in Living Ethics: issue 84 winter 2011

In December 1997, 15 strangers met at Darwin airport for the first stage of the Vincent Fairfax Ethics in Leadership Award. This Fellowship was an extraordinary one, programmed over two years, designed and delivered by St James Ethics Centre and sponsored by the ever generous Vincent Fairfax Family Foundation. For Graeme the Fellowship was the bridge between the army and his new chapter at Yarrabin and his leadership consulting. We of the Vincent Fairfax Fellowship Group 4 all met Graeme in that transition space and have shared the subsequent 13 or so years.

“What ought one to do now?” stood as the central question for each of us to answer through that program and has remained the only question.

A number of Graeme’s fellow Fellows and members of St James Ethics Centre are here today. They and many more have been in contact by phone or email – their spirit and words are with me - collectively we stand before you to celebrate and farewell an inspiring Fellow, a fine man and a dear friend.

Common to all the messages was a request that I pass on the Fellows’ condolences to you Ken and Shirley and your family; and to you Gavin and Sue and your family; and especially to you dear Annie, Jessica, Harry, Jack and Will. We in VFF Group 4 all fell in love with Graeme’s love of you – you became for us the standard bearer of a great family – Graeme spoke often of each of you and always with such joy, pride and love. We have followed and celebrated your story for 13 years. “What ought one to do?” was something that Graeme constantly asked himself as he sought to balance the demands of global engagement, national consultancies, local community and precious time with family and friends.

In my last visit with Graeme a couple of weeks before he died he asked me if I was sure of the things that mattered most – for him it was unequivocal - a life centred on service and built on family and friends.

Chatting with a group of Yarrabin guests that same night, a group who keep coming back and back, it became clear that the Yarrabin Annie with Graeme and their family have created is a space centred on service; a space for building community; a space for learning and growth - a retreat where inspiration can be found in company, or in quietness and always with the horses. So many individuals and relationships have prospered in Annie’s and Graeme’s care and the care of their family.

A portrait of Graeme that is fondly remembered by our group is Graeme’s impeccable presentation on our Katherine Gorge trek (and forever more and in every situation). Jane Sanders even recalls him atop a rock quietly shaving – the epitome of order and grace. All the more divine because it was so incongruent with the wrecks surrounding him – the rest of us were bedraggled and worn from incessant rain, rising flood waters and exhaustion. Graeme was the quiet and still centre in the group, an invitation to reflection and the giver of ease. As Di Green reflected Graeme slowed down time and when he was talking with you, he was truly with you.

Jo met Graeme in Malaysia when she came to meet up with Harry, one of the VFF Group 4 Fellows, and recalls that Graeme was sensitive, warm and gentle - an interesting combination she thought for someone who spent most of his life in the military. Graeme turned a lot of stereotypes on their head. He didn’t put up any barriers and was someone you could easily get to know. Part of this gift was his capacity as a natural storyteller. Graeme was so generous in his telling of stories from Cambodian peace keeping missions, to Italian UN stories, to stories of adventures with his family, to horse whispering stories and then more recently stories of reviving his weapons training skills to fire water at nurses from giant syringes, with incredible accuracy. Graeme had a deep curiosity and zest for life and a playful sense of humour - he generously shared these gifts and more.

Graeme sought out ways to stay connected with many of the Vincent Fairfax Fellows and Jane Sloane recalls introducing him to Dr Stella Cornelius so that she could engage him as a sounding board for her dream of a humanitarian emergency response team for the Asia Pacific region. Graeme was also eager to work with Jane in her work in Health Workforce Australia given his recent experiences in the hospital system but ...

... we all have finite tenancies here on earth. Each of us simply leasing a little house to live out our days in the best way we possibly we can. Some houses are robust and strong, others built like little French working houses quite low to the ground. With the onset of cancer Graeme’s house became increasingly riddled with structural complications and it could no longer contain his extraordinary stubbornness and Phillips’ spirit. I hope there was a level of negotiation with the landlord/ landlady before the final relinquishment of his lease early last Friday morning. Of one thing we can be glad Graeme does not have to struggle for his voice anymore – let us all keep that alive in our heads, our hearts ... and our actions.

Blessed be Graeme: son, brother, husband, father, uncle, army man, Vincent Fairfax Fellow, friend ... deep thanks and deep peace.